Hardship

I talked to my grandma yesterday and one thing she said struck me. "It sure sounds like you're having a good time!" she said. "Is anything hard at all?" I laughed, because of course things are hard. We just don't blog about it for some reason. As you can see, it's hard enough for us to blog when things are great!

Guadalajara on a whole is a fantastic place. But it's still not home. An American mom friend from school mentioned a statistic to me - that living out of your home country is like 30% harder on top of all the other crap that makes life hard. We thought it was funny and sort of ridiculous that anyone would even try to quantify an actual percentage. But I do understand the general cloud of stress, pressure, something hanging over all of us as we go about life here.

Sometimes I just want to ball up and stay at home all day. But of course with a household to run, dinner to get on the table, kids to cheer up and be an example for, I can't do that. I worry about the kids and their ability to make actual friends. And then I worry about leaving in two years and them having to leave any friends they've made in the first place. I worry about missing out on things back home. I stress about not being as supportive to N as I could be, and worry about us dealing with our issues individually instead of communicating. I worry that I trust people too much - our household help, the construction workers in the neighborhood, the guys who deliver water. Not being able to speak fluently, and not understanding cultural nuances, is very frustrating. I feel like an imbecile a lot of the time, even while doing things that you'd think were normal -- like getting groceries, or getting gas, or even taking a walk with Cubby. Tipping! Goodness, that is a big one. I never know when or how much to tip, and often feel sweat forming as I fumble around in my purse for money. Even swiping my credentials to get into the school makes me think twice. "Do Mexicans do this a different way?" I ask myself. "Does my jalopy of a stroller just scream 'American'?" "Is my internal discomfort manifesting itself externally?" These are the crazy thoughts that often run through my head, as pathetic as it is! But in good moments, this is all fodder for laughter with N and other friends who are going through the same thing. In bad, it's all reason for me to buy comfort stuff online. (Just kidding, N! Ha ha...er...um.)

My friend back home asked how things were going here, and as I told her, "Well, it's still just life. I still have to figure out what to cook tonight!"

Plus or minus 30% more stress :).